Parameters (Counseling)

 Jesus seemed to give of Himself without reserve whether to the crowds or His twelve disciples.  However, there were times He disappeared alone but was eventually found to be up a moutain or some other set apart place, for prayer and communing with His Father.

It is good advice, I learned from Harold J. Sala in his book Counseling Friends in Need, that we don't just drop everything and tend to the callers-in-need, the instant they beckon.  Assess the situation responsibly.  If it seems to be an emergency then, of course, swift action may well be warranted.

However, if someone seems to be getting too emotionally attached, it will do both parties good to step back and have some breather room.  There are some more diplomatic ways to do that.

Sola suggests the counselor to give homework like a verse or portion of Scripture to read and/or memorize; a related book to read or a video clip to watch.  One could even perhaps reach out to others in need with some act of kindness.  The next time the caller calls, the counselor can ask about the homework.  If it has not been done, then he or she can politely tell the caller that once they have completed the assignment call me back then and we can discuss things together.

This is why it is important to set parameters on first meetings.  For instance, telling the person that you will try your best to help, but you aren't a professional and therefore you won't necessarily have an instant solution.  These things often do take time and there is a process.  There may be homework, and so on.

Another good thing to say is that what the person tells you, stays with you.  I won't farm your story out to my prayer group.  I will pray and you can pray.  Of course if it's illegal or you are about to harm yourself, I will need to seek professional help and thus may need to give explanations of the person's situation.

There could be times when the one in need isn't telling the full story and if the counselor detects such, they can say that they can only give maximum benefit and help if they will tell the whole story.  Knowing the full truth will help set the person free, so the one in need needs to be truthful and tell the whole picture.

In counseling friends in need, these statements are important and help each party to know where they stand, give confidence in sharing and feel listened to without it coming back to them from a third party and that it shows a sincere willingess to help when and where possible.

Friends, reach out to each other, not just in surface talk, but sharing each others' burdens as Jesus did for the crowds and the individuals along His pathway (see Galatians 6:2; 1 Corinthians 9:21, James 2:8).  In so doing we can love our neighbor as we love ourselves, even as we attune ourselves to each person in need.

                                                         ~ ERC  June 2024 ~

Based on Chapter 3 - First Meeting - From the book Counseling Friends in Need by Harold J. Sala pages 51-61).

Sing, Bear One Another's Burdens, along with Paul Mays Acapella.