I would not say that domestic violence and abuse are only private family problems. For a victim's safety there must be intervention, and that ASAP. Moreover, the perpetrator(s) must be confronted.
Most of us would say, "YES!" to that but be thinking only of the victims such as the children, the elderly and the initmate partners. With a mere glance, if at all, we'd cast the inflictor of abuse aside perhaps even with curses and pronouncements of swift legal action upon their heads.
Before launching further discourse about the perpetrators of abuse, however, let's look briefly at the forms of abuse, how abuse can happen; primary factors that contribute to abusive behavior; reasons (and excuses) offered by abusive people for their actions and most importantly, how the Bible keys in to the equation especially in line of intervention.
We will chiefly be discussing family violence, which is when someone uses abusive behavior to control and/or harm a member of ones own family or with someone with whom they have an intimate relationship. There is a variety of such behavior, none of which should be tolerated.
Abusive behavior can take the form of the physical with punches and blows even to the point of the afflicted having to be hospitalized. This type of abuse is very obvious.
Emotional abuse, whether from mildly messing with a person's mind or to unrelenting bombardment, can wear a recipient down to the dregs of lowest self-esteem and subservience. This is insidious as it is not as overtly noticed as compared to punches and blows and subsequent bruises, swollen-shut eyes and broken bones and so on. In this, the victims most often suffer in the depths of despairing silence.
We've all heard of sexual abuse - rape, incest, bestiality and others, generally perpetuated upon children who are frightened into silence and not informing anyone who could possibly help. If they do tell, they are not always believed and are left to feel betrayed especially if it had been one parent against the other and then the victim is assaulted emotionally on top of the other.
Financial abuse, where a person's earnings may well be controlled and therefore he or she is unable to save or spend even wisely. Maybe the victim is prohibited from even acquiring income in order to be kept dependant upon the abuser. In other cases, the victim may have his or her income perpetually stolen. Conclusively, the victim is trapped in the abusive relationship. This would dovetail with emotional abuse and physical could also be added to the mix.
To a great degree, this would play out in such a case of the victim wanting to get away for safety's sake for theirself and /or the children, but cannot because they are constantly monitored and kept on a leash of short purse strings. The dearth of finances prohibits any such escape. If the person does manage to break away he or she will in all likelihood be in extreme financial straits.
Much of this will tie into the abuse of neglect. The abuser just doesn't bother with those under their care. There is not much food, proper shelter, clothing and/or barely any acknowledgement of the other person's existence. Besides physical neglect is educational, emotional and even medical neglect. When these needs are not cared for, there's the manipulation of keeping the victims within the perpetrators grasp where intervention seems remote or not even believed possible.
Verbal abuse - constant haraguing and harassment in shouts at and shooting downs of another would be part and parcel with the emotional abuse. A classic example is Joseph, the character in the book Light From Heaven. For some reason his father had it in for him even from the tender age of 3. The father forced him to carry heavy loads, didn't want him to go to school when he was school age, perpetrated physical blows and often, despite having the fianancial wherewithal, did not supply enough for proper clothing and at times housing that could have been improved if the family had sought outside help and the abuser was confronted.
Another sneakily deceptive form of abuse that works rather like a termite in wood or paper, is spiritual abuse. In character, this would involve emotional and manipulative input. The fear factor, that is, if an adherent does not toe the line - not of Scripture but of the religious beliefs and mandates, some of them even unwritten rules - among repercussions there could be shaming by other members, excommunication and further to that, shunning. A helpful book that sheds greater light on this issue is called, The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse by David Johnson & Jeff VanVonderen.
One can see that overall, actions of abuse are intertwined with and overlap each other. A victim caught in such a web will find it extremely difficult to extricate themselves. They will need intervention from an outside source.
If a person declares that he or she loves another, how is it they can turn around and rain abuse upon those they say they love? Such ironic and twisted thinking! The Scriptures detail how abuse can happen. We learn that the abuser has given God up and that there is no true love or fidelity; even knowing God's Word, they don't care and then continue to do these things. The love the person has is more love of themselves rather than of God and therefore he or she becomes abusive (Romans 1:28-32 and 2 Timothy 3:1-5).
Abusive people offer up a whole plethora of explanations to justify their actions. Excuses such as having a disorder which loves to see pain; they were abused as a child themself and so don't know other behavior; they have control issues; they are exhausted from a long arduous work day and therefore lashed out, and so on.
We can have some empathy with some of these but such actions are STILL, not right. From God's word we can glean a very blunt reason which many psycologists won't often consider. That is, the whole world is under the control of the evil one and people are sinful and of the devil. How did this come about? The Fall happened and then Cain killed Abel and all else went haywwire (see 1 John 5:19; 3:3-12; Genesis 1:27, 28 and Genesis 4).
We learn from Genesis 4:6-8 where the first case of domestic violence and abuse was recorded, God described this action as stemming from Cain's anger, being downcast and outright SIN (my emphasis) and not doing what was right.
Most of us will remember from reading the account of Noah and the Flood and the state of moral decay in pre-flood society, what God's comment was, as he saw,
"how great man's wickedness on earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time" (Genesis 6;5).
God's reaction was that He grieved He had made mankind. Furthermore,
"His heart was filled with pain" (Genesis 6:6 NIV).
That's somber.
Additionally, as we discover in Psalm 11:4-6 God hates violence and wickedness with a passion. Yet, those days are no different than today. Human nature has not changed. Thank God, we have Jesus' intervention for us on the cross - He died to pay our penality and pardon. In Christ, we have the way through repentance, and obedience to His Word and the Holy Spirit's convictions, leading and guidance.
Guilt may be a contributing factor in making people assault others with irrational and abusive behavior. However, we have the healing balm cure that for a Christian, God will forgive the wickedness and remember their sins no more (Hebrews 8:12). We have no more condemnation, at least for those who are "in Christ" (Romans 8). There is a necessity to repent and confess any sin that may have beset us, however...so we look to 1 John 1:9 where when we confess our sin in true repentance and motivation to do what is right in God's eyes, Jesus is faithful and will not only forgive, He will purify from even a lingering stain of sin. The abusive person must call on the name of the Lord!
Earlier there was mention of selfishness and of the abuser thinking only of him or herself. This person needs to learn to NOT be so conceited, rather in humility look out for the interests of others (Philippians 2:3-4). Truly, be loving others and not oneself out of selfish ambition.
Has a person a hot temper and quick to ignite in anger and lash out at others? This lack of control is not a sign of strength. It does not bring about the righteous life God desires. In fact, in James 1:19 we are told we should...
"be quick to listen and slow to become angry".
One of the characteristics of the fruit of the Spirit is self-control; therefore, each believer in Jesus Christ has the potential to display self-control when button-pushing moments assail him or her. Otherwise, we're told we'll be "ineffective and unproductive" and it may appear as not having been cleansed from ones past sins (2 Peter 1:5-11). Let us run the race for Christ, well (1 Corinthians 9:25-29).
How is one to resolve brutality from being perpetrated and to being realized as a weakness? Abusive desires should be seen as selfish ambition and conceit, and lack of self control that manifests itself in brutality. Using force and manipulation to control others could be overcome by remembering the golden rule,
"do to others what you would have them do to you..."(Matthew 7:12).
Now an adult who has been abused as a child may think, "Ahh - ok, so I was beaten senseless as a child - so that's the way it should be with mine!"
Wait a minute... did you enjoy that violence against you? Most children would not, I dare say. Most of us wish to be treated with respect, dignity, gentleness, kindness and goodness, and understanding and care. This then, is the right way to treat others. Think on it. Act in this manner asking Your Heavenly Father's help to exercise the self-control to correct behavioral response (Philippians 2:3-4).
Hooking into the idea of being raised in an abusive environment and not knowing how to relate non-abusively, one does not need to remain in ignorance. To deal with difficult pressures, problems and situations in marriage and parenting, look again to God's word for needed guidance. Wives are to respect and submit to (NOT subservience) their husbands, whereas the husbands are to love their wives as themselves and most importantly, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. The husband is to leave his parents' home and cleave to his wife. Leave and cleave. The apron strings need to be cut, the man needs to become, "a man", grow up, mature, rise up and take proper responsibility in being the head of his home and family in a God approved manner. Fathers are not to exasperate their children nor deal harshly with them or their wife. Children are to learn obedience but not the subservience, to which abuse gives birth. All these combined will help overcome abusive actions, if a person is truly desiring to do so. It may be a struggle to eliminate ingrained, habitual behavior but with Christ, all things are possible. There is hope when hearts are humble and repentant.
Outside intervention would likely be of core value as well; seek wise counsel.
Seek God. Search the scriptures and put into practice the learning of the characteristics of true love as seen in 1 Corinthians 13 about what love is and what it is not. For instance, love is kind, patient, not conceited and so on. Knowing these not just to proudly spout off as litany but to put into daily practice, One can do all things through Christ who will strengthen proper behavior (Philippians 4:13) and when tempted to do wrong, RUN to Jesus for a way out (1 Corinthians 10:13). One can even make a pre-emptive prayer and ask the Lord to stop you in your tracks if the breakdown of self-control threatens. He will honor true and good desires.
Consequences of not stopping abuse will teach a person that what "one sows, one will also reap" and God will be a person's judge in the end, even if an earthly judge has not made a righteous judgment in this present age. God sees all and has a heart for those who are victims (Galatians 6:8; Psalm 58:1-11).
You know sisters-in-Christ who are older, who have loved and respected their children and a husband and have experience in the life of a family can step in and help and teach younger women. In the book of Titus, Paul encouraged Titus to teach these older women to do so (Titus 2:3-4). This, of course, not in a nosy, interfering manner but for good and benefit of others. One might be able to spot abusive tendencies and give needed advice and assistance.
We do live in the day of grace but God our Avenger will have the last say in each of our lives. I have noted that almost all of the Scripture verses alluded to within this article are directed to followers of Jesus Christ - children of God!
Judging a person's actions will need to be seen in this light. We cannot hold an unbelievers actions up to the same standards per se, as with those of our own brothers and sisters-in Christ. Certainly, we need to bring to the relevant authority's attention when and where we know or suspect abuse, but the way in which we relate to the perpetrator will be different.
If a person says he or she is a brother or sister-in-Christ, then the leadership of a gathering of believers need to discipline the offending abuser with prognosis towards a corrective, restorative result. If the person will listen, that is good. If they do not then that person needs to be separated from those he or she would harm. One should not enable such persons to perpetuate their abusive behavior.
Towards unbelievers we need to show goodness and love because we are told that the goodness of God leads to repentance. We are to overcome evil with good, NOT enabling the evil, but to over come it by being Jesus to the abused as well as the abuser.
So saying we may well be repulsed by the idea of befriending an abusive person. I know, just thinking about it, I feel resistant to the idea. No doubt one would need to ask the Lord for guidance in how to go about showing the love and goodness of God to such as these.
Perhaps a person was an abuser before he or she came to Christ. This brother or sister needs to know about the process of progressive sanctification. No doubt the Holy Spirit will also teach and convict especially if the new believer has been taught to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit's leading and to reading God's Word for His views, behavior, standards and to being obedient to His way.
In love, Jesus came, despite the Fall, the Flood and His hate of evil and wickedness - Jesus came. He came to defeat Satan and evil, sin, death and Hell. Jesus we know, rose from the dead and His resurrection gained victory over all of these, on our behalf. This was God's act of love, goodness and care - His intervention. We need to examine ourselves and do the same when and where we can, whether for our own or for others. Let authority and control over others and ourself be exerted properly in a God honoring, glorifying manner. All abuse overcome.
~ERC May 2022~
Based on the Bible Study entitled Moral Issues Facing the Church by Rob Harbison.
No comments:
Post a Comment