Listening is so important when another person is sharing deeply about personal issues and situations. Listening, not only with your ears but also with your eyes and mind. The heart needs to be engaged, showing your care, respect, compassion and empathy by listening intently.
If your mind is wandering, wondering when the person will be finished, or of what to cook for dinner or where you will go for a drive on the weekend, you are hearing the sound of your friend's voice but you are not listening.
When the listener is using her eyes she will be able to discern whether the sharer is happy, sad, angry, in pain, irritated and so on. Maintaining eye contact will show the sharer you are indeed listening and do care.
The listener will be able to discern to a certain extent how much truth there is in the person's story. Is the person's problem physical, emotional or spiritual or a combination thereof? The observant, listening couselor a.k.a. friend, who has prayed and asked the Lord to give her wisdom before hearing out her friend, will be Spirit - led, most often, towards a discerning diagnosis.
God has a plan for each of our lives. When we run counter to it, trouble will inevitably ensue. Our sin will find us out (see Numbers 32:23).
Godly counsel is needed to help the friend in need to find God's will in the midst of their pain and consequences. Although I'm quick to insert here, not all suffering is the consequence of our particular sin but of The Fall, in general. Or, it could have been from someone else's sin against the one telling the 'story'.
If it has been from sin in the person's life then guidance towards repentance will be needed. Counciling from God's perspective and Word rather than society's 'fixes' and general beliefs, and although some of them could also be helpful, the God-centered guidance is best. This can set the person in stress, distress and angst on the road to greater healing and health.
A personal relationship with Jesus Christ is a good place to start. Repentance in general and then specific scenario. Remember that as Harold J. Sala remarks in his book Counseling Friends In Need that the emotional, physical and spiritual aspects of a human being inter-relate and spill over into each other similarly as to how osmosis operates.
When a person is sick physically, the emotions often become affected. This in turn affects the spiritual. And so it spirals round and round and down. So as one listens to one's friend, ask the Lord to show you where and/or how this vicious cycle started. Finding the root cause will help.
Alluding to society's thoughts, is this person thinking money, power or sex or other such desires are solutions? Has the fulfillment of a dream that is important to him or her become elusive? They had been promised dream fulfillment was important and well, fulfilling. Alas, it had all been a disappointing illusion for them.
There are many facets to listening intently to your friend in need. May our Lord guide you into all truth for the good of your friends as you become a better and better listener.
~ ERC January 2025 ~
Based on Chapter 5 - Diagnose the Problem But Treat the Whole Person from the book Counseling Friends In Need by Harold J. Salas. See also Proverbs 19:20, Matthew 11:15 and Revelation 2:29 and 3:22. If you have ears to hear, let them hear.
Sing, I'm Listening, along with Chris McClarney and The Jesus Way, along with Phil Wickham.
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