Before I met Jesus, I wasn't born...of course, that may not be technically true as even while I was in utero they would still have been singing and praying and talking about Him and according to science, a wee one in the womb can hear stuff from the "outer world"... since birth I have known who Jesus was/is because my parents made sure I knew Him from Day 1 and that He loved me and wanted me for His own child. They taught me the way to be His child.
So saying, I realized at an early age that I needed Jesus in my life. All His sufferings He went through during His trial and afterwards on the cross were for me.. He did this out of His everlasting love so He could take the punishment for, and forgive me for, my sins thus granting me eternal life and to be with Him in heaven some day. He also wanted to make me His child. The alternative was and still is to end up in Hell separated from God for eternity and I knew I definitely did NOT want to go there!! That was too scary and I hated to think of the pain.
Given those two choices, I therefore committed my life to Jesus. I can't remember an exact time or place in which I specifically did this as growing up under the constant influence of the teachings of Jesus and how He lived and died, it was almost a natural acceptance thereof. Because of that there have been what I'll call "re-commitments" to living for Jesus along throughout my life (just to be sure I wasn't going to Hell) as I grew more independent in my thinking to the point where I could say, "I believe this, I want Jesus in my life, not because my parents want me to, not because they keep teaching me all this, BUT because of my own free will I accept it for myself--it's what I want."
As for the difference between the before and after of accepting salvation through Jesus Christ and knowing it to be the truth of life. It is difficult to say what that difference would be seeing as I grew up learning how to behave in a 'Jesus-like manner'. Therefore the before and after may not be as noticeable as it is in other people who did not have that advantage. However, I believe that without Jesus I don't think I'd be alive today; at least I wouldn't have a very good life.
The teen years, as for many other teens, were rather a struggle for me and I recall hating just about everything and everyone including myself. I remember one time when a group of students hung out n one corner of the high school while waiting for their respective school buses to arrive to whisk them home. They used to smoke what looked like 'regular' cigarettes but they had a very sweet, sweet aroma that got into my psychic until I could stand it no longer and determinedly said to myself, "Tomorrow, I'm going to ask to smoke with them."
The next afternoon dismissal time arrived and I rushed down to 'drug corner'. What do you expect I found!? Not a single sweet cigarette soul in sight!! I waited and waited, still none of them appeared. By the time my bus came I was hopping mad at God!! "Why did You do this to me!!??? I want to smoke that sweet stuff!" Temper tantrum!
The next day and the next, for many 'next' days that gang never showed up 'til the good Lord knocked some sense into me. I'm now very grateful to the Lord for His preservation of my health and life as they could have turned in a terribly, awful different direction...that I know now.
Living with Jesus in my life is to always have someone to talk to about the good and the bad. He also gives me direction for living life to please Him, through His Holy Spirit who indwells me,
There are various life lessons that He has helped me learn. Lessons about failure; lack of $$; pain and sorrow; having to wait; illness and disappointments.
There are times of many failures in 'connecting' with my own teenagers and even in the marital relationship. How does one bridge the gaps? They can be extremely distressing and tiring and one can have many thoughts of giving up. Relationships should be a two-way street but often seem only to be a one-way...what can one do? One adage my Mom, or was it my Dad?, often quoted was "if at first you don't succeed, try, try again". And so with the help of Jesus, the One who never fails us, we do just that: try, try again.
You could say another failure of mine is failure to fully adopt this region, that is, South East Asia (SEA) in which I've lived in since marriage. I don't say I have failed, rather there are many who see that I don't 'measure up' to their expectations of ..."what you've been here so long and you still can't blah, blah, blah?!!" Well, this is when a person can realize they are not in their own country and among ones' own countrymen. However, as a Christian, this whole world is not our 'real' home, Heaven is. So from this so-called 'failure', one can praise God, that 'hey, I don't have to measure up to this world's standards' but to God's! And God is gracious and merciful and He forgives again and again. What a mighty God, who never fails!
The lessons from lack of $$ to rub together. Well, one learns to be more frugal but where does God come into the equation? He says, He will supply all or needs (Philippians 4:19). In this one needs to learn to rely on Him and trust Him. Ask and wait and see how He does it. He's so creative.
Pain and sorrow can really teach a lot. But one of the biggest lessons learned at the time our firstborn child, a daughter, got sick with leukemia. The Lord's people, the body of Christ, came out of the 'wood-work' so to speak, and were very supportive and the Lord comforted us through them. I learned I could trust God even through these intense times and He will bring His people to help. What a privilege to belong to God's family! Again, I learned that "He faileth not." (Zephaniah 3:5)
How many people like to wait? Well, I don't. There seems to be so many times of having to wait for one thing or another even in mundane things of daily living. Those of us who have Jesus in their life and thus belong to God, have His Holy Spirit indwelling us. One of the fruit of the Holy Spirit is, you guessed it...'patience'. So when we have those frustrating waits, I try to see them as opportunities to hone a little more patience and become 'more like Christ'; this is part of Christian living and Biblical culture.
Lessons through illness, and this can be tied into the pain and sorrow category somewhat. However, I haven't been really very ill in my life before--thankfully. There was one time I was scared after a miscarriage and a nurse told me she had to take some blood samples to check for a type of cancer that she said was common among Asian women and the doc wanted to be sure I didn't have that. The test came out negative. However in those couple of days of waiting for the result I got really scared--not so much of dying but of having to go through chemo treatments and all that entails. The mind was very active. What would become of my very young family? I was upset yet didn't tell anyone what the nurse had said.
It's at times like these that it's a mercy to have Jesus as your friend and talk to Him, I did. A lot. He calmed my nerves. He told me to stay calm and wait for the results; they came out negative. So anxiety over the matter was needless..when we have times like these we need to "cast all your anxieties on Him because He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7) Then in Psalm 55:22 the comfort is "Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall." So you see, we can trust Him as "He faileth not."
During our daughter's illness, we felt so helpless and like our hearts were being twisted out of our bodies, and I know that, for me, I couldn't breathe well. Heartache, indeed! As mentioned above, the Lord was gracious. He surrounded us with so many of His people to support us in prayer ( & finances) and with their physical provisions letting us know they care. The lesson to let others help us was impressed upon us. I learned what a great family God has who are ready and willing to reach out and help in a bond of love.
The Lord gave me peace that even if our Hannah was to go to be with Him---I could stand it. At her funeral I was feeling regrets--thinking to myself as I gazed at her--"She'll never become "sweet 16". She'll never graduate from high school. She'll never get married." The Lord spoke into my ear, "This IS her wedding day!" She was dressed in a lovely red and white dress and had flowers arranged in her hands. Jesus had received her to His home and called it equal to a joyous wedding day! I felt so happy then. My regret and despair lifted immediately at His spoken words.
So I learned that our Heavenly Father, God, can comfort, and comfort me personally--He didn't send an angel, but Himself! Praise be to His name! He didn't fail me, did He!
About disappointments in life...there have been many; some small, some a whole lot bigger. But one has to get up, dust oneself off, and go on ones' way. I'm currently in the process of reading one of Kay Arthur's books entitled, "As Silver Refined". She asserts that we can become stronger from them. One of the things she says, is to "change the 'd' into an 'h', making our 'disappointments His appointments'. God may allow the disappointments of life to compel you to look to Him for your everything; to put your faith and hope and trust in Him alone. This is a specific appointment with God to help you do this. Don't miss His appointment. The opposite of meeting your appointment with Him could be depression. One of the lessons we learn from answered prayer is that there could be three different answers: Yes, No or Wait. Our disappointments often come with the No and the Wait. But God wants to give us "good and perfect gifts" and if what we desired was going to be bad for us, then a loving Father would not want us to have it. As God is our Heavenly Father and knows all, He is not afraid to disappoint us now and again as He does it out of His love and goodness. Let us reciprocate His love and show our gratitude to Him for I am certain that "He faileth not."
~ERC 2016~
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