"Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarreling" Proverbs 20:3 NLT.
God's word is saying it's an honor to avoid a fight. On the other hand quarreling is what fools engage in. This message is straightforward.
It may be straightforward and excellent advice but I laughed in Solomon's face. Not because I think he's silly but because from what I have observed in general, when it comes to fights, quarrels, feuds and duels, and such, mankind seems to think quite the opposite.
They will rush into a duel to preserve their honor or defend the honor of a woman, for instance. Often it becomes their death sentence. What honor is there in that?!
But here, let's keep it to verbal arguments. Some people love to play "devil's advocate." One brother once forthrightly told a group of us at a Bible study, that he loves to do that in order to make us think. That explained his irritating habit, which actually comes across as quarrelsome.
However almost 99% of the time, the main message of the lesson hasn't yet been established. It often swerves the direction way, away. One leaves the session wondering, what was the point of all that!
Now it is good to see another side of a coin at times but in this instance, most of the devil's advocate's questions posed have been those a pre- or new believer may ask. That would be fine if he were. But when all in the group have been in the family of God for decades, these question should have been figured out ages ago. One doesn't even feel like bothering to address the question. According to the Proverbs verse, it is an "honor" to not answer the fool according to his folly (see Proverbs 26:4-5).
Other people purposely, when someone says, 'A,' will say, 'B'. They pride themselves on it. In families, at work or school or at church, argumentativeness creates divisiveness which leads to much unpleasantness and hurt.
So how can one overcome argumentative situations when unreasonably confronted with them?
I never really understood the Bible verse but in this context, I get it;
"agree with your adversary quickly" (Matthew 5:25 NKJV).
In her book 30 Days to Taming Your Tongue, Deborah Smith Pegues, couples this verse with the Proverbs 20:3 one.
Agreeing but in a way that does not compromise your own belief, she suggests an excellent phrase as as argument stopper,
"Okay. That's your opinion."
This to be said with as much conviction and in an 'end-putting'-as-possible-tone.
Seems there is a bit of an art to learning to disagree without being disagreeable. If we examine ourselves and finding in the 'mirror' that we may be one of those contentious or argumentative people, remember the Holy Spirit indwells us enabling and empowering us to develop fruit such as, love, peace, kindness, gentleness and self-control among others. Pegues adds,
"God's children ... glorify God when we remain loving even when we disagree with the views and values of unbelievers ..." (p.34).
I'll add, even of believers.
Lord, help us rein in our thoughts and tongues. May we respect others and not be contentious, even as we have the right to our own values and views.
You've given us creative minds and varying personalities but you've also given us Your Holy Spirit who convicts, leads and guides us into Your truth and into being conformed and transformed to being like You, Jesus. May we have that discerning heart and wisdom to understand Your views and values and act upon them with Your mercy and grace.
And then speak peaceably without compromising our own testimony. Help us to act in the honorable way by avoiding the fight. May we reflect You in all we do and say.
In Your name Lord Jesus, we ask.
~ ERC April 2025 ~
Based on Proverbs 20:3 NLT and 30 Days to Taming YOUR Tongue by Deborah Smith Pegues.
Sing, What You Are, Speaks So Loud, along with Selah Praise Music.
NOTE: Even though I used Solomon's name regarding Prov 20:3, this proverb may not have been written by him, therefore, I use his name as a generalization.
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