This quote says it so succinctly ...
"Contrary to modern thinking ... God expects of singles the same He expects of married couples - sexual purity. That means abstinence before marriage and commitment to one individual, your mate in marriage. While casual sex may be the norm and have a measure of acceptance in our culture, it is wrong in the sight of God."
So wrote Harold J. Sala in his book Counseling Friends in Need.
This is in regards to promiscuity and marital infidelity. God is displeased with both cases. Granted a person may rationalize, "I'm already 30 years old and still single and not a mate in sight. Sigh. One night stands will have to suffice." Or, in a dead marriage, sigh again, "Where's the love, compassion and care? That tempting person outside the marraige fulfills me" And so there is promiscuity and marital infidelity if the believer in Jesus Christ chooses not to allow the Holy Spirit to give them the self-control and determination to abstain.
After all, "everyone else does it" without compunction, why can't I?! But God's word is clear. In 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, He says,
"For this is the will of God ... that you should abstain from sexual immorality..."
And from Genesis 20:14,
"You shall not commit adultery ..."
This is a sacrifice and life choice a follower of Jesus Christ will need to choose to make. It's not easy to be a Christian and uphold God's will and ways many times but when one wishes to live to please the Lord, they will,
"Present [their] bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service" (Romans 12:1-2).
Do you feel like it is reasonable? God says it's a reasonable request. Apparently, says Sala, the Phillips version of these verses, should you choose to read further, to "...not being comformed to this world," reads,
"Don't let the world around you squeeze you into its own mould."
Promiscuity will not be satisfying in the end. Marital infidelity will very likely end in divorce in all its ugliness. We need to decide whom we will choose. Choose you this day, the world's ways and ourselves or will you choose the Lord's way? It's your choice. Break every stronghold that's got a hold on you.
Should your friend choose God's way and come to you for help, their admitting the sinfulness in confession and true repentance will be a first place to start. Again, accountability will need to be established throughout the process leading towards overcoming victoriously in Christ, says Sala.
Guilt may coat and corrode but I always like to go to 1 John 1:9 where when we confess our sins, Jesus is
"faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to clease us from all unrighteousness" (ESV).
He keeps His promises and is there ready and waiting for your human responsibility to confess. Then because He cleanses and purifies from all unrighteouness there will be no stains left. Let's surrender all to Him. This is a blessing in Christ not to be taken advantage of in an exploitive way, but with a humble attitude of gratitude and thanksgiving.
He has made this avenue of forgiveness available to His children and therefore, He washes and cleanses and purifies the stains of guilt from our sins as well.
Praise the Lord for His mercy and grace!
A marriage can be saved. It would take the injured party in the marriage to choose forgiveness. It would be tough! The deepest and most intimate of relationships has been betrayed and violated. Trust would need to be built up again. Counseling from a professional may be needed. But, should the spouses wish to stay together both will need to work at the relationship and at their compulsive behavior to not choose fulfillment elsewhere.
I used to think that in a relationship, especially in a marital one there was a 50%-50% effort, the couple would go halves in a marriage towards reaching and meeting each other in the middle with compromise. I had to stand to be corrected by what I once read, likely in a make your marriage better type of book, where the author said, that is wrong, each must give 100%! It may seem very unfair especially when one spouse doesn't do the work, so to speak, even often giving less that even 50%.
Remember, children of God have His Holy Spirit indwelling and working in tandem, we should choose God's way. Let's be living sacrifices to God and be holy as He is.
Conform and transform to God's way, not the world's. In Him we have life.
Father God, help us all to choose You and Your will and ways for our lives. Lord may Your word ever be the lamp unto our feet and the light unto our paths. I ask in Jesus' name, amen.
~ ERC March 2025 ~
Based on Exodus 20:14; Titus 1:6; Ephesians 5:33, Romans 12:1-2 and 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5. And Counseling Friends in Need by Harold J. Sala. Chapter 9 - Using the Bible to Counsel Addictive Behavior pages 189-194.
Sing, Thy Word, along with Amy Grant.
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